Happy Friday, friends. I want to get a little more personal on this blog so that you can identify with me more, understand why I focus on healthy recipes, and perhaps even connect to me through my story. Here just for the food? That’s wonderful and I thank you for loving my creations. Here for some real talk on self-acceptance and how hard it really is to find healthy balance? Even better- read on.
Whether happy with it, or working to gain or lose, weight is a number that has a grip on a lot of people. I have always struggled with being on the curvier side for my size, and always just assumed that my move to Colorado over a year ago would automatically make me a healthier person. Instead, I knew the opposite was true when I stepped on the scale 6 months ago after months of avoidance, and I was scared to see the truth in number format. It was the highest number I’d ever seen, and continued to put my 5’2″ frame further into the upper limit of the ‘overweight’ category of the body mass index (BMI) scale [below are photos I never shared from hiking in Vietnam because I felt uncomfortable with how I looked].
It wasn’t necessarily that I was frustrated with the exact number, but I was moreso upset that it indicated how much I had slacked on focusing on myself. I was embarrassed with myself, because I finally saw the result of my half hazard eating habits during the winter and my sluggishness after work that led me to skipping the gym, for weeks at a time. We all go through our highs and lows, but seeing that weight was a truthful tool of comparison with my own perceptions of health that I couldn’t ignore. So how did I realign myself to living a balanced life?
“By choosing healthy over skinny you are choosing self-love over self-judgment. You are beautiful.” – Steve Maraboli
Instead of preoccupying myself with how much I needed to lose to get “skinny” and letting myself spiral into a frustrated mindset, I have kept my focus on enjoying exercise and healthy foods even more than before. I set my goal at the higher limit of healthy BMI for my height, after consulting with a doctor and registered dietitian. I will talk more about the specifics in future posts and what I have relied on to help me – but the emphasis and focus of my weight loss continues to be towards a healthier and fitter version of myself. I have not felt guilt while enjoying dessert, or been hard on myself, but the scale has kept me in check.
Now, 6 months later, I am getting closer to my happy weight and I know that I never want to get back up to my highest weight again. It ticked up there slowly, with me avoiding “real talk” with myself. I know many people believe that going scale-less is the way to weight loss, and question whether weighing in weekly really helps long term habits. Maybe it doesn’t for everyone, but for now and for me, yes. I only weigh myself once a week at the gym, where I know that I won’t obsess or let myself get down because I just made progress by getting sweaty and active. As I make progress to a healthier me, it gives me assurance that my healthy habits are making positive changes.
At some point soon, when I find that happy place between healthy eating, exercise, and self confidence, I hope my body will tell me when it’s feeling strong and confident, or when I need to work a little harder to keep the balance. But I will still check in with the scale, like the 75% of individuals on the National Weight Control Registry who still weigh themselves on a regular basis after years of weight maintenance because it is a friendly reminder that hard work pays off- and sometimes we need that!
New around here? Read some of my other posts on Health & Wellness:
- Rethinking weight loss nutrition- Living a Balanced Life: Doughnuts Included
- My changing workout routine- Treadmill Workout Playlist for Power Walking
- How I keep myself accountable- Fitbit Zip Review
- A weight loss milestone- Climbing Gray’s Peak: My First 14er
Thanks for reading this far- while there is still room for progress, the biggest accomplishment I’ve gotten out of this experience so far is self-acceptance and increased self-confidence. On days when I need a boost, I remind myself that I can do anything after climbing to the top of a 14K foot mountain!